Monday, October 5, 2009

9 Weeks to Vegas and a Lack of Motivation

Lately I've been feeling a certain lack of drive to run or to reach my running goals, the most notable being a 3:45 finish time at the Las Vegas Rock 'n' Roll Marathon. I have been finding it harder, mentally, to keep running when I'm tired or sick of running. I've been tired and sick of running more often. I've been tired even when I'm not running. I've been sick of talking about running. This leaves me feeling: 1) Inadequate as a person and 2) SUPER guilty about not stepping up for the Team (Team Point Two) and my Running Advisor John Ellis. Why can't I just pull up my socks and go for it? Time and time again I find myself quitting or slowing down because it's easier than pushing through. This morning I had a stress test, which confirmed what John & I predicted: There's nothing physically wrong with me. A while back, when I was at the peak of my running "obsession", I was asked if I'd ever stop. I responded that I thought I'd stop when I stopped improving. I kind of feel like that's what's happened this year. I have been running consistently for almost 3 years now, with almost constant improvement in my race times. This was going to be my breakout year, when, with John's guidance and the support of a Team I would push my physical limits and find out what I was made of. I thought that would mean seeing big improvements in my race times and mounting enthuiasm as marathon day approached. Instead all of this training and guidance has left me with a constant feeling of inadequacy and a realization that maybe this is as good as I'm going to get. Maybe my problem is that I just don't enjoy pushing myself hard physically. I don't know. Anyway, I'm not looking for sympathy here. If anyone deserves sympathy its John, because he's doing his job week after week, and I'm not coming through. Going forward my plan is to take it week by week. This week all I can do is to try my best to hit all my targets and finish all my workouts. Oh, to end things on a positive note, I DID buy a SUPER CUTE new running outfit which I plan to wear in Vegas. I also made a groovy new playlist that should give me a bit of a lift when I'm running.

9 comments:

canmorechick said...

sister, we've all been there.

you're right: all you can do is take it week by week...or day by day if you have to.

so...s'posed to run tomorrow? just get out there for 20 minutes. then, once you're out there, decide if you want to go further, faster, whatever.

hang up that outfit somewhere you will see it often. beside a bikini. :)

running is a life long thing. in a year, you won't remember what this fuss was about. run the marathon and have fun with it. you'll either do 3:45 or you won't. it just won't matter in a few weeks.

there's something about running you like or at least used to like. go out and run for fun and try to remember what running does for you when you do it.

please read me these words when i am unmotivated and hate running, k?

I Run for Fun said...

I've definitely been there! Taking it by the week is the right approach. I also find that it helps when I remember why I started running in the first place!

3:45 is AWESOME, by the way!!!

Susan said...

I'm sorry. Been there, done that. Seems like a bit of burnout. Sorry.

You have NOT peaked. You're not even 30! You have a long way to go, I'd bet. You WILL continue to improve. This is just a rough patch. I know you can do it! YOU CAN!

Mark said...

I have a saying..."be in season" I've found myself not running for extensive periods. The constant push can really take it out of a person mentally. Sometimes there is a season to let up a little. Good luck in Vegas!!

Marlene said...

I know this feeling.

Take it one run, one day at a time. Remember why you love it and how much it will MEAN to you to reach your goals.

Susan said...

OMG - I honestly thought you were about 26. Young 'un!!!

I will be turning 35 on Nov. 25th.

Still, though, I think your best days are ahead of you.

Isela said...

Take it day by day, it will get better.

John J. Ellis said...

Nicole!

it's not about letting people down, it's CERTAINLY NOT about disappointing me: you could never disappoint me unless you gave up. Don't give up! Don't worry about time -- it will all come to you if you let it come. I'm not giving up on you so don't leave me hangin', sister!

You have done a lot of quality work this year, and perhaps we need to build up your base again with easy, consistent running that will flush your system and reinvigorate your running with oxygen and fun in equal parts!

Believe in yourself, Nicole -- she's pretty incredible, you know!

-- John E.

DuffRunner said...

Nicole-so sorry to hear about your funk. I hear you. I like what canmore chick says. A lot.

I think what you're feeling is a little burnout but I sense it comes from feeling overwhelmed by your goals and reaching them. The JOURNEY is the best part of the marathon and running in general. Think of those cool runs you've done when others are in their beds. Think of how much healthier you are as a result of running.

Whether you run a 3:45 or 4:45 doesn't make you a cool person. You make you a cool person. Run for yourself. Your teammates, friends and family will cheer for you no matter what.

Don't give up. Never Surrender!