Monday, October 5, 2009
9 Weeks to Vegas and a Lack of Motivation
Lately I've been feeling a certain lack of drive to run or to reach my running goals, the most notable being a 3:45 finish time at the Las Vegas Rock 'n' Roll Marathon. I have been finding it harder, mentally, to keep running when I'm tired or sick of running. I've been tired and sick of running more often. I've been tired even when I'm not running. I've been sick of talking about running. This leaves me feeling: 1) Inadequate as a person and 2) SUPER guilty about not stepping up for the Team (Team Point Two) and my Running Advisor John Ellis. Why can't I just pull up my socks and go for it? Time and time again I find myself quitting or slowing down because it's easier than pushing through. This morning I had a stress test, which confirmed what John & I predicted: There's nothing physically wrong with me. A while back, when I was at the peak of my running "obsession", I was asked if I'd ever stop. I responded that I thought I'd stop when I stopped improving. I kind of feel like that's what's happened this year. I have been running consistently for almost 3 years now, with almost constant improvement in my race times. This was going to be my breakout year, when, with John's guidance and the support of a Team I would push my physical limits and find out what I was made of. I thought that would mean seeing big improvements in my race times and mounting enthuiasm as marathon day approached. Instead all of this training and guidance has left me with a constant feeling of inadequacy and a realization that maybe this is as good as I'm going to get. Maybe my problem is that I just don't enjoy pushing myself hard physically. I don't know. Anyway, I'm not looking for sympathy here. If anyone deserves sympathy its John, because he's doing his job week after week, and I'm not coming through. Going forward my plan is to take it week by week. This week all I can do is to try my best to hit all my targets and finish all my workouts. Oh, to end things on a positive note, I DID buy a SUPER CUTE new running outfit which I plan to wear in Vegas. I also made a groovy new playlist that should give me a bit of a lift when I'm running.